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Trust

On p. 24, Jack takes on the issue of trust. I particularly like this passage: "Complementing trust is surrender. The more you feel you can trust me, the more deeply you will surrender to me..." Well. Short, sweet and to the point. Of course, it's not easy, as he goes on to write, "Trusting someone else first depends upon trusting your own perceptions and conclusions. Confusion sets in not only because we don't trust others, but because we don't trust our own ability to decide who is trustworthy." I'm betting I'm not the only person to see themself in that. But I've also never understood, before embarking on this course of reading, that trust is earned. I, in apparent company with many, always had some vague notion that either you trusted someone or you didn't. These new conversations since coming to this lifestyle about building trust, that it is *earned* not a right, not awarded, have been an eye-opener for me. I feel much more confident in my ability to trust another, in fact, than I ever used to, because I use enquiry and observation to allow feelings of trust to build, rather than just jumping in with both feet, only to have the ground whisked out from under me again and again, as happened in the past.

Authority and Obedience

On pp. 18-19, Jack addresses Authority and Obedience. There's so much here it's impossible for me to cull little bits here and there as I usually do; everything is significant! I don't want to copy off whole huge paragraphs; for one thing, it's time consuming. For another, I don't want to give people so much they feel like they don't have to go get the book. People SHOULD go get this book! This is just priceless. I've read this chapter twice now, and it only gets better.

However, there are a couple of statements that do bear repeating here, just because they struck me so strongly, that I want to share with anyone who might be reading this. "Herein the complementary nature of the relationship is most clearly seen.... The Master can have no more authority than the slave is willing to grant... Without obedience, authority is meaningless. Without authority there is no one to obey."  He also discussses the common misunderstanding that "authority comes without responsibility, or that the exercise of authority is without restraint." You know, I could love this guy. Being so (relatively) new to submission/slavery, yet there are many things that I have understood instinctively/intuitively. I haven't needed to *learn* about many of these things being talked about; I already knew that. And yet, for 2 years now I've been told that I was wrong, that I was asking too much, that I was being unrealistic, that I needed to just obey and everything would be perfect. That I worried too much. But here comes Jack Rinella, saying everything right out in public, everything that I already believed about Master/slave relationship. It can't be coincidence that, right when I was at the point of giving up entirely (yes, considering going back to vanilla), I pick up this book. Just not a coincidence at all.

Luscious Cat

Fantasy and reality

On p. 17, Jack writes: "...find that part of your fantasy which can be created and to acknowledge that which will never become real, shedding it in some measure from your vision, if not your dream life... one's search - though sired and fed by fantasy - must be rooted in the possible. ...possibility must be weighed with probability... Refine your fantasy into a practical vision about yourself, your partner-to-be and your future life together."  This is eminently do-able and again is frequently overlooked. Not having sought a female slave or female Master, I can't say about other women, but I have talked, in my years as a Femme Domme and my recent time spent as slave, with many males of both orientations, and again, until Master Taino, MAsT and M/s C swum into my ken, the above was just not something that I saw men as having, regardless of their orientation. My time at Master Taino's Training Academy was clearly a watershed for me, in more ways than one. I've seen 3 main areas in which my world-view was completely overset either at Master Taino's or afterwards, either in retrospect or by my participation in activities that came out of having been at MTTA (i.e., MAsT and M/s C).

Rinella's After Reading Activities-Intro

Jack Rinella has these "After Reading Activities," questions and enquiries, at the end of each chapter throughout his book. I may not always have these as public entries; these questions from the Introduction are pretty basic and innocuous enough, but I think as I get deeper into the book there will be responses that I don't want to share.






  1. Your first contact with the idea of slavery; a book, movie, from a friend? A friend, Gypsy/angel on MotherBoard in L.A., was a lifestyle slave living with her boyfriend/Master.
  2. How did you feel about it then? How do you feel about it now? I thought it was weird but interesting (ambivalence was mostly because she was pretty "out there," a real mess that had probably nothing to do with BDSM. She was very unstable.) I wasn't really clear what she was doing; I didn't become aware of consensual slavery as I know it now, until last year. My initial impressions are probably what most people both in and out of the lifestyle think of consensual slavery, not knowing anything about it. As it is, the more I learn about it, the more I crave it.
  3. Why do you find it attractive? Two-fold, the relief of not having to wear my burdens alone, but also to take someone else's burdens from him enough for him to feel the weight of that lifted so that he can go on to be all he can be. I think of it as being "the wind beneath his wings."
  4. Why are you reading this book? To learn more about consensual slavery, and what it takes to be a slave, and hopefully to improve myself in the area of being slave.
  5. Why do you want to be a slave?  It's not a want... more like a need. A slave is part of Who I Am.
  6. What myths and assumptions about slavery do you think you have that might not be based on reality? I don't think any, really. I'm pretty well grounded in reality at this point. I may have a few little fantasies in there, but they really are fantasies and I do know the difference.
  7. Can you describe your greatest obstacle to finding a dominant partner? Location. My bar being raised so high for qualities I seek in a Master despite my own inexperience. My determination to remain in the public eye.
  8. What assets do you think you bring to such a relationship?  yikes. you would ask that {{{laugh}}} um... good posture? seriously. I have great organizational skills. I have a desire/need/yearning to please my Master, to take his burdens, lighten his load and his mood. I'm a great typist, have good interpersonal skills (or at least working on it). I have a great sense of humor to bring a smile to his face. I've educated myself in this lifestyle to be better, to try to be the slave I want to be and that, hopefully, he wants me to be. I'm still working on the "Assets" list, btw. I'm honest (to a fault), and ready for a partnership based on the Master/slave dynamic.
  9. How do others react to the questions above? Haven't had the opportunity to go over these with others yet. We'll get some idea, if people respond to this post :)

Why can't everyone read this book?

The subtitle for Chapter 1 of "Becoming a Slave" could be "Just Common Sense." On p. 15, the first page of Chapter 1, Jack Rinella opens with "When it comes to M/s relationships, appearances can be deceiving.... our lifestyle appears unequal, unfair, and unlivable. In fact, successful M/s relationships are based upon mutual support and the benefits tat each partner receives from being in the relationship. Without mutual gratification, this relationship... will quickly sour and end..."  Yah. Helloooo? WHY do so many people not GET this? Of all the Doms (sic) and Masters (sic) whom I have talked to, or read their profiles on the various sites, this simple, seemingly obvious understanding of the human element, is completely lacking. I'd say 98% of all those I've talked to Just Don't Get It. Either they haven't been in a M/s relationship before and are having trouble finding that special slave to make the transition from fantasy to reality, not aware that their fantasy isn't reality-based, or they've been in M/s relationships many many times before, always somehow managing to find slaves who were not "real" slaves, and the relationship ended, usually unpleasantly. As they tell us in Landmark, the common thread here in all these failed relationships is... YOU! I'd venture to say these relationships failed, in good part at least, because these men had not the slightest clue what it takes to be a Master. The only reason I'm still hanging in there is because I was indeed fortunate to have met, in great numbers, The Real Thing... both at Master Taino's Training Academy, at the Master/slave Conference, and at my local MAsT meetings. So I know they're out there, real Masters and real slaves, living real Master/slave relationships. And I just love that!

Oh, I digressed. Back to Rinella. hmmm. yep, it's another rant item (my rant, not his). p. 16, Jack writes: "Your search for a partner is actually the search for your compement, that special person whose temperament and vision for ihs or her future fits wtih yours... You must both fit, and fitting involes a wide spectrum of characteristics..." Again, why is this so hard to understand, and why do so many not get this? I particularly want to point to the Doms (sic) whose profiles indicate that somehow for a slave to have a list of qualties she does/does not want in a Dom, makes her not a "real" slave but instead attempting to top from the bottom. They feel the need for compatibility is not an issue; he is a Master (sic), she is a slave, and that's all that's needed to make it work (i.e., all she has to do is to do as he says. Period).  WRONG! wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. What that does, in fact, is to set the slave up to fail. I know I've ranted about this somewhere or other before, but this mindset in practice drops the entire burden for the success or failure of the relationship, on the slave. It's not a 2-way relationship, and the Master has no part in that; he merely gives the orders and it's up to the slave to succeed or fail. If the relationship fails then it is, obviously (in the eyes of the Master, and possibly the slave too, depending on how brainwashed she's been by this obviously clueless neanderthal type), the slave's fault. The slave could not cut it; the slave was not "real."

Which is not to say the slave carries no responsibility for his/her slaveship. In fact, Jack poses us some questions on p. 16: "Changte is probably the most necessary condition one must embrace in order to create a master/slave relationship.  ...we must start with the question of, 'How do I have to change to be what I want to become?' How will you be different when you are a slave? What actions and decisions will, in fact, transform you from who you are now to what you seek to become?"  What isn't readily apparent, upon reading this for the first time (after all, it sounds pretty good, doesn't it?) is that facing these 3 questions, taking them on and really using them to start an enquiry into oneself, is downright scary. Actually I think that the second question comes first, because that leads you to knowing what you want to become. I found that first question very confronting. Not at first, but when I sat down and worked with it. I discovered a lot of resistance, a lot of denial. Obviously a question I am needing to take on and work through, because resistance and denial are NOT qualities I want to be carrying with me into an M/s relationship, obviously! It's also scarey because of the emotions that it churns up; to an unowned slave, contemplating what it would be like when you really are a slave, being a slave to a Master, can bring up all kinds of things... loneliness, despair, frustration, fear you'll never find a Master (much less the right Master), etc. These questions aren't for the faint at heart.

Then again, neither is slavery.

My Lifestyle Library

Read and journaled:
  1. Protocols: Handbook for the female slave by Robert Rubel. 1887895124 $19.95 (arrived 11/21/07; finished 11/30/07). A++
    I rate this A+! This is the very first Lifestyle (as opposed to BDSM) book that I read; an absolute must-read for both Masters and slaves! 
      My journal entries for Protocols.

  2. Master/slave Relations by Robert Rubel. 1887895639 $19.95  (arrived 11/21/07; finished 12/10/07) A+
    A+ ditto above!
      My journal entries for Master/slave Relations.

  3. The Ethical Slut by Easton & Liszt. 1890159018 $16.95  (purchased 12/10/07; finished 12/22/07). B
    Very helpful for women, and absolutely required if you're thinking of going the polyamory route. Not a bad idea for men to read it either, for understanding. Not enough journaling to bother with a link; maybe I'll re-read it a second time.

  4. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon. 0964596008 $19.56 (finished 1/14/08). B+
    A must-have for any BDSM beginner, whether you're drawn to the S&M or D/s aspects.
      My journal entries for Screw the Roses.

  5. SlaveCraft by Guy Baldwin. 1881943143 $15.95 (per Master Fire Ma'am) (arrived 1/7/08; finished 2/16/08). B-
    Keeping in mind that slave is male, this may or may not be helpful to a female slave; however, if you find yourself disagreeing or otherwise having difficulty with what you read, I found it an *excellent* tool to explore why you disagree, and follow those thoughts to formulate what you DO believe. Indeed, I have more journal entries for this book than all the others put together, so far!
      See all my journal entries for SlaveCraft.

  6. The Control Book by Peter Masters. 0940267098. $14.95  (arrived 12/17/07; finished 2/29/08). B
    An excellent book, I found it very helpful from a submissive/slave standpoint as well as from the Master's standpoint, and encourage both to read it. B+
     
    My journal entries for The Control Book.

  7. Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin. 1881943097 $16.95 (bought at MTTA 03/29/08; finished 11/18/08).(arrived 12/17/07; finished 2/29/08). A+
    Wow, this was a fantastic book! Very pertinent to Master/slave relationships, even though written from a gay Leather perspective, this is incredibly pertinent to any kind of D/s or M/s relationship, and is a Must-Read. A+
      My journal entries for Ties That Bind.

  8. Becoming a Slave by Jack Rinella. 0940267209 $21.95 (bought at MTTA 03/29/08). A++
    Wow! I wish I'd read this one earlier, and I'm only on the second chapter! I think this one is going to be one of my top favorites, right after "Protocols" LOL! Stay tuned for more!
      My journal entries for Becoming a Slave.


Read but not journaled:

  1. The Loving Dominant by John Warren. 1890159204 $16.95 (B&N 11/13/07; finished 11/18/07)

  2. Different Loving by William & Gloria Brame. 0679769560 $15.61

  3. The New Bottoming Book by Easton & Hardy. 1890159352 $10.17 (arrived 12/13/07; begun 2/17/08)

  4. Protocols: A Variety of Views by Robert Rubel; Power Exchange Resource Series, Issue Coordinator L.C. Morgynn. 1934625876 $9.95 (arrived 12/6/08)

  5. Age Play by Robert Rubel, Power Exchange Resource Series. Proof Editor L.C. Morgynn.  1934625906 $9.95 (arrived 1/6/09)

On my bookshelf, yet to read:

  • The Art of Slavery by Robert Rubel, Power Exchange Resource Series. 1934625744  $9.95 (bought at M/s Conference 08/10/2008)

  • Erotic Slavehood by Christina Abernathy. 1890159719 $10.85  (arrived 1/7/08)  (omnibus containing her 2 out of print titles)

  • Erotic Surrender by Claudia Varrin. 0806524006 $14.70

  • Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine by Claudia Varrin. 0806527072 (gifted by friend ayasha, 6/2008)

  • The Fine Art of Erotic Talk by Bonnie Gabriel. 055337396X $17.00 (arrived 01/04/08)

  • The Masters Manual by Jack Rinella. 1881943038 $15.95 (bought at MTTA 03/29/08)

  • Partners in Power by Jack Rinella. 1890159506 $16.95 (bought at MTTA 03/29/08)

  • The Path of Service by Christine "slavette" Parker. 1887895140 $19.95 (bought at MTTA 03/29/08)

  • Playing with Disabilities by Angela Stassinopoulos & Robert Rubel. 1934625485 $9.95 (gifted by Bob Rubel at M/s Conference, 8/10/08)

  • Venus In Furs by Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch. 1419192450. (gifted by my sub robbie, 11/2006)

I've been told these novels are a "must-read" (I'm not sure why but I haven't so far had a chance to check them out yet):

  • The Marketplace by Laura Antoniou. 0964596040

  • The Trainer by Laura Antoniou. 0964596067

  • The Slave by Laura Antoniou. 0964596059

Others On My To-Acquire List:

  • The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella. 1881943135 $15.95 (reviews are not terrific; "Becoming a Slave" is recommended instead)

  • Dark Moon Rising: Pagan BDSM & the Ordeal Path by Raven Kaldera. 1847288928 $26.83

  • Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play by Robert Rubel. 1887895132 $

  • Manual Creation by Machele Kindle (our own Master Fire!). 1887895817 $19.95

  • Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 by Robert Rubel. 1934625558$19.95

  • Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 by Robert Rubel. 1934625566 $19.95

  • Power Exchange Magazine by Robert Steele. 1887895884 $9.95

  • Squirms, Screams & Squirts by Robert Rubel. 1887895647 $19.95

  • Urban Aboriginals by Geoff Mains. 1881943135 $15.95

Polyamory:

  • Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful by Anthony D. Ravenscroft. 1890109533 $21.95

  • Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits by Deborah M. Anapol. 1880789086$16.00

  • Pagan Polyamory by Raven Kaldera. 1881943135 $16.95

Tags:

the idiots amongst us

Okay, I got my first laugh of the year! some dumbkoff wrote me: "what Dom in his right mind would want a slave such as u. I dont want no book learning slave, I can teach my slave all she needs to know."

Hey, at least I know I'm on the right track with my new profile... scaring off all the idiots!

Questions to ask a potential Master

I'd given up seeking a Master, but it seems that, while reading Jack Rinella's book, "Becoming a Slave," it occurred to me that maybe I just haven't been asking the right questions to elicit the information I want to know, and that is important to me to find in a Master. So I'm going to try again. Some of the questions I'll be asking a prospective Master:

1. Have you read any Master/slave lifestyle books (Baldwin, Rinella, Rubel, etc.)?
2. Do you attend MAsT or any D/s or M/s SIG meetings?
3. Do you attend workshops regarding Master/slave relationships (i.e. communication, protocol, structure, how to deal with "x" issue)?
4. Do you know enough about Master/slave relationship dynamics to present a workshop on one or more of the issues pertinent to those dynamics?

If anyone has any ideas to add to this, bring 'em on! :)

Tags:

Jack Rinella is my new God!!!!

Yes, that's right. I'm back to reading "Becoming a Slave" and it is still as AWESOME as it was when I first started reading it!  In fact, I wish this had been the FIRST book that I read, back when I discovered I was submissive. Granted, I'm only on chapter 3, but so far the book is STUFFED with information, as incredibly pertinent as it is inspiring. There are some wonderful tips for how to seek a Master (the section I'm reading right now) and the part on Expectations is just, like, "yesss!!!!!!" Reading this chapter, coming as it did just after Sir Stephen's workshop on Master Zeus' online conference last week, I have new heart/hope. In fact, I'm even going back to blogging (yeah, yeah, enough with the groans, already, LOL... you guys love it when I blog, you know you do!) because I'm finding there's so much I want to say as I'm reading this book, and who else am I going to say it to but my journal?

Luscious Cat

Test: Would You Have Been a Nazi?

Your result for The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test...


The Expatriate


Congratulations! You are not susceptible to brainwashing, your values and cares extend beyond the borders of your own country, and your Blind Patriotism does not reach unhealthy levels. If you had been German in the 30s, you would've left the country.





One bad scenario -- as I hypothetically project you back in time -- is that you just wouldn't have cared one way or the other about Nazism. Maybe politics don't interest you enough. But the fact that you took this test means they probably do. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.


Did you know that many of the smartest Germans departed prior to the beginning of World War II, because they knew some evil shit was brewing? Brain Drain. Many of them were scientists. It is very possible you could have been one of them.



Conclusion: born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would not have been a Nazi.








The Would You Have Been A Nazi? Test

- it rules -


Take The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test
at HelloQuizzy